Animals Growing Up

Cuz who wouldn’t want this on their dash

The turtle one

If this doesn’t make ur day better u are wrong and you can go

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)


Today was a better day, despite my exhaustion throughout the morning till eve, when I woke up again.  My new phone came a Fairphone i love it despite its flaws which I’m sure I’ll work around eventually I don’t get why I can’t manage it from my computer, why I have to install everything over wifi I don’t have a wifi network, I spent the evening try to make my linux router into one so I can install apps on the thing :/ It didn’t work I don’t think the routers card supports being turned into an access point. I wish it would just say that like, oh linux, software isn’t particularly useable without being a flipping expert in it. kinda defies the point.

Lying in bed I imagined not being me, or well being a better version of me stronger, expressing what I wanted, running away when I was younger calling my self Cinder because Idk.

I never any of those things. its probably for the best but I live in regret.

Someone asked me once if I love animals more than people. Its true. I think. but I only have fishies since I doubt my ability to care for anything else. My past self would call me stupid for thinking that but they don’t know what I do now about myself. How I do/did horrible things to the point I now thoroughly believe I’m better alone.

Aliz is visiting this weekend. returning to this home I tried to build for us and failed,  I’m half dreading it, half over the moon for it. he’ll be gone on Sunday. I hate how I can’t even tidy this place up for him.

I’m not sure how to feel it makes me cry.

I can’t sleep, write down my thoughts my thoughts are full of escapism nothing practical nothing useful fairy tales and lost mes. I feel like I can’t cope but I am coping I haven’t yet drawn this razor a long my arm.


All of a sudden I’m scared of work, they’re seeing through my facade of sanity. They know. I got shouted at/told off for being late. then told to see a dr when I wouldn’t say anything. thats the second time I’ve been told that this week. later he emailed me the rules of “time and attendance” I feel like I’m school again.

Thing is I don’t think I’m crazy. I _might_ be depressed but I don’t know I’ve been worse. I don’t care I’m not worth there effort I flaked theapy last time I stopped taking anti-depessents and I was fine. I had no need of them I didn’t get worse or anything. 

I’m just useless, i just can’t cope with the real world, actually I fuckign hate the real world, made up by ppl who couldn’t give a damm about anything bar themselves. If ppl did this world wouldn’t be so fucked up, wouldn’t be heading towards its neothelitic grave.

tempted to just quit right now, but then I’d have nothing. I’d probably end up where ju is now I think I’d have no control, no choice or dead that thought crosses my mind a lot it shouldn’t but giving that everyone talks about Robin Williams now and how sad they are about him, how they loved his films etc. etc. etc. Is it just me or is he a personification of that meme I see going round  ‘no one loves you, until you’re dead’ idk. It doesn’t matter I get it using his death for the cause of highlighting how crap mental health treatment is. I do its good to make his death try and mean something.

(how many others have I heard about over the years how many)

I think I want someone to see what’s inside of me. Not the way doctors and serial killers do. The way that doesn’t make me feel lonely.
Rin Tezuka, from Four Leaf Studios’ Katawa Shoujo (via foreignhour)

Looks like we got Rin, Rin again, Lilly, and…again with the genderbent Kenji
Damn, son


Looks like we got Rin, Rin again, Lilly, and…again with the genderbent Kenji

Damn, son